She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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