Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
