she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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