they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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