She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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