I want to have your abortion
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
