I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This baby is an asshole
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
