shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
