the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
