Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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