you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
