I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
