this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
