the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
