if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
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