your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
