Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize