Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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