I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have already put on my inside pants.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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