I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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