And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
