why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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