he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Girls should come with a carfax report
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
