Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
