haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
