Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
