So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
