What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
