I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
