Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
