definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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