I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We named our party play list daddy issues
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
