There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize