I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
