Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
