i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize