I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
nut hugger
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I booty called her while she was in labor.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize