i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
