I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
