to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
