I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
