I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
