Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Acid is not a monday night drug
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
