i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
