today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
