How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
