The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
