And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
