he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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