She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
