Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
