Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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