i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
