I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
