Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can't turn off my feet"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
