yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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