So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
