yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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