evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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