He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
