everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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