You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
