well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
