Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
