ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
