Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
