you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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