I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize