Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
barbara walters just said penis...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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