he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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