I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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