my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
