oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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